he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
