I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
COCAINE IS GR8
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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