why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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