Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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