I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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