I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
