I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
