you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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