And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
