She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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