Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
