I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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