Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
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This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.