yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.