I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
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Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.