Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
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The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
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At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.