Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
