No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
