Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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