please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
