just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
