well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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