you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
