just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
