Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
