people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize