Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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