This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
