You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
