i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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