her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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