I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
