You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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