3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
