Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen

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(407): View more from Florida

I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.

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(727): View more from Florida

You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex

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(417): View more from Missouri

How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol

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