I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize