oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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