I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
