The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
