Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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