Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
