So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
