Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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