My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize