I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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