forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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