And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
