Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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