do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
