Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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