Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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