fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
