Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
