...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
