I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My hand turned me down
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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