apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
