I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
