There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
