the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
