So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
