did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
